Chapter 2: Positioning the writer: experience

Introduction
As I take the epistemological position that all knowledge is based on experience, value and reflection, and all experience is influenced by prior knowledge, it seems important to indicate some of those life experiences that led me to the particular ontological and epistemological positions that inform this study. To do otherwise is to infer either their universal superiority, or their complete arbitrariness.
In this brief autobiographical note I outline some of those significant life experiences and concomitant learnings as they impinge on this study. This is neither arrogance nor self-indulgence (Mykhalovskiy, 1996). For if thirty years working in the field of educational research and assessment is not relevant to this project, then either the work, or the project, or both, must surely be trivial.

Education

This study has had a long gestation. Forty nine years ago I sat for my matriculation examination in English. I had a choice of four essays, and chose one called "Examinations." I rubbished them, unwisely it seems. I got a B grade which compared unfavourably with the second highest mark for English at my prestigious public school. That I'm still at it today indicates that non-conformity is not necessarily related to inconsistency or nonperserverence. What I learnt from this experience is that meaning and judgment are affected by context, and that appropriateness is one criterIon for the recognition of quality.
Two years of study in the University Engineering faculty convinced me that I did not want to be an engineer, and left me with one invaluable legacy; on every engineering drawing the measurement of each dimension, and the limits of accuracy within which the product must be fabricated, are indicated. In practice, because error was inevitable, the statement of acceptable error was as important as the magnitude of the dimension. Keeping within acceptable error was a major determinant of quality of product. This practice of indicating errors in measurement continued for calculations in Physics, the subject of one of my majors when I transferred to the Science faculty.
I decided to become a teacher. Moving to Education was a culture shock. I could only write scientific prose - sparse and unadorned, tight and dry, logical and on the surface devoid of any emotional involvement. So writing two thousand word essays was a problem; I generally said all I had to say in two hundred, and regarded the rest as superfluous padding. I could state my case, but had lost my personal voice.
What I learnt about assessment was at the level of "helpful hints to beginning teachers." The massive literature on educational assessment and evaluation was then, as it is now for most teachers, unknown to me. I was trained for survival, not for problematising tradition. I learnt what was implied. The game of testing had produced me, so it couldn't be all that bad.

Teaching

I taught in high schools and tested students more or less the way I'd been tested. Maybe a few less essays and considerably more short answer questions. The process was simple. I sat down, wrote some questions to comprise an examination paper, the students did it, I marked it, added up the marks, and then gave them a percentage or converted it to a grade. How was it done? Easy! Was it a problem? No! How accurate was it? Nobody, including me, ever asked!
After three years I joined the Royal Australian Air Force as an Education officer, teaching some basic physics to photographers, some nuclear physics to air crew, and some instructional technique to officers. Because I was teaching it, I learnt the technology of lecturing. It was assumed I could accurately assess all this. I averaged about six lectures a week, so they were very well prepared. With so much time, I diverted myself by writing pantomimes and musicals. I was beginning to find my voice.
Two years of work at the RAAF School of Technical Training had me writing syllabuses as well as teaching basic maths and physics. I talked to electrical fitters who had come back for training after two years in the field as electrical mechanics. None of them had used any of the eighty odd hours of mathematics in the Mechanics course. I suggested to the administration that they save time and money by leaving out the mathematics. It was explained to me that its relevance to work was irrelevant. It was necessary for the high level of trade classification. I was beginning to understand the economic and political character of credentialing.

Assessing

My last year in the RAAF was spent in the trade testing section. Fifty item, two hour, multiple choice tests were used to credential students who had spent from three to twelve months in training programs, with hundreds of hours of practical and theoretical assessment as part of the course. My attempts to point out the absurdity of this were usually met with the response that it didn't matter, because they just kept on doing the trade tests till they passed. I was becoming aware that in the world of work, as well as in the world of education, ritual was more important than rationality.

Teaching again

Observing that the influence Education Officers had on training seemed to diminish as they were promoted, I went back to teaching in a private coeducational high school. I found that what had taken twenty hours to teach to highly motivated technicians took five times as long to teach to supposedly more intelligent high school students. In my second year I told the matriculation physics class I did not intend to teach them. Rather I would try to create an environment in which they could learn. I would assume they could read the syllabus and the text book. They worked individually or in groups, developed their own notes, devised their own experiments. They completed the course by the end of June, after which I agreed to give some consolidating lectures, and class time was spent doing past examination papers and improving answers. That, after all, was the task on which they would be judged. Their results in the external examination were extremely high. I had learnt to separate the ritual of teaching from the facts of learning.
Next year I tried the same process. The students refused to cooperate. They collected notes from other schools. They insisted I teach them. After a month I had little choice. We went back to "normal" teaching methods. They got "normal" results at the end of the year. I learnt that dependency has as much attraction as autonomy, for the price of autonomy is personal responsibility.
Two other events were significant over this period. The first was a question asked by Michael, a student; What exactly is an electron? I had no idea. The question had never occurred to me. I'll let you know, I blustered. A month and many hours of reading later, I responded. Do you remember, Michael, you asked me what an electron is? No, he answered. I'll tell you anyway, I said, unperturbed. I wrote "Properties of an electron" on the blackboard, and under that heading listed some of them. The class looked on in silence. I looked at Michael. Yeah, he said, those are its properties, but what exactly is it? Ah, I said, now that's a question you'll have to ask the Rabbi. I had started to grapple with ontology. I was thirty years old.

Writing

The second involved the writing of A programmed course in Physics (Wilson, 1966). This was a linear program covering year 11 and 12 Physics. In reviewing what I had written I was dissatisfied with the presentation of force field theory. Finally I wrote this part as a dialogue between a physicist and a student. The result was much more satisfying in that the nature of a field in physics could be discussed as a problematic, rather then presented as a scientific conclusion. My first excursion into epistemology required discourse rather than didactic prose to communicate its meaning.

Assessing again

Because of my experience with multiple choice tests in the RAAF, I had been working with Australian Council for Educational Research on the construction of multiple choice physics tests. When a full-time position came up I applied for it. For the next six years I was to work as a test constructor. I learnt a lot about the nature and mechanics and rituals of testing, about the truisms and tricks of the trade. For example, that only "items" between thirty and seventy percent difficulty were chosen because others did not contribute economically to the separation of students; that seemingly almost identical questions often had very different difficulty levels; and it was almost impossible to tell, without prior testing, how difficult a test item was.
Central to the theme of this study, I also learnt, at the level of practice and praxis, the great secret about error, about the fallibility of the human judge, about the vagueness and arbitrariness of the standard. Not in that language, of course. Psychometrics provides a more prophylactic discourse about marker reliability and predictive validity and generalizability. Even so, it was impossible to miss the point. Or was it? I did a course in educational measurement at a local university to sharpen up my theoretical skills. We learnt the statistical theory and all the little techniques for reducing error, like short answer questions and multiple marking. And at the end of the course--a three hour essay type examination marked by the lecturer and then given a grade. And nobody said a word! Even more amazing, when I raised the matter with a few of the other students, they seemed unaware of the contradiction. I was learning that tertiary studies do not necessarily invoke reflective critical thinking.
There were two other outcomes of this experience of constructing test items that were important. The first related to the discourse, the arguments about the best answer that characterised the panel meetings. The second related to the values and effects of this particular testing program, and how to deal with that (Wilson, 1970).
As we got better at writing "distractors" for multiple choice questions, we found advocates among the "expert" panel for some of the distractors as the best answer, rather than the one chosen by the test writer. Of more potential educational significance was the argumentation itself, and its effect on our ability to think sharply and clearly within the fields being discussed. Tests themselves can never produce improvement in individual performance; but our experience suggested that argumentative discourse about test items could. A serendipidous piece of research at one school confirmed this. One hundred students thus engaged for about twenty hours raised test scores on each of three multiple choice papers by half a standard deviation, despite the ACER publications that claimed these tests could not be "taught" (Wilson, 1969).
The second experience related to educational values, and our attempts as "examiners" to grapple with this. None of the full-time test constructors approved of the Commonwealth Secondary Scholarship tests as an educational intervention. They were a politically inspired election gimmick. We were aware that they would have an influence on what schools taught, and possibly how they taught, even though they were supposed to be "curriculum free" as well as value free. As a result we took "educational value" as a major criteria for test validity, at least at the level of our own personal discourse. The material we chose for tests must face the question "would education be improved if teachers did try to prepare students for this sort of exercise, for answering these sorts of questions on these sorts of information or issues, for engaging in this sort of thinking and problem solving?" I was learning that no test was value free, and that these tests were certainly informed by a (possibly idiosyncratic) view of educational relevance.

Groups

During these years I also had my first experience in unstructured groups, and experienced at first hand the power of such group interactions to produce major changes in social behaviour in the participants; within the microcosmic society of such groups, as they developed, there was opportunity to take risks, revisit social experience, and re-construct social meanings. I learnt how powerful such groups could be in raising awareness, loosening counterproductive behaviours, and reframing experiential meanings (Slater, 1966).

Research

When at age forty I was appointed to head the newly established Research and Planning Branch in the SA Education Department, a position I held (with planning dropped half way through), for the next thirteen years, my major claim to expertise was in the area of testing and assessment. The Directors never allowed this to influence their decisions about committee membership, and during my sojourn with them I was never appointed by them to any departmental committee concerned with assessment. Nor, for that matter, am I aware of any decision made by the Department that was informed by research that the Branch carried out. When research knowledge was consistent with Departmental policy assertions it was utilised; when it didn't or wouldn't serve those interests it was ignored. I was learning that research knowledge was an instrument of power, a weapon for rationalising decisions, rather than a springboard for rational decision making (Cohen & Grant, 1975).
It was partly this insight, as well as a belief that my clients were students and teachers rather than administrators, that determined that most of my own research would be concerned with classroom practice. I also noticed that most educational research dealt with special groups and special problems, leaving the "normal" educational assumptions and practices unsullied by any critical research probes. So I directed most of my action research to the "average" classroom; that is, I sought out the commonalities of educational experience rather than the differences.
In the first few years I spent considerable time with teachers looking at improving assessment practices in schools. One thing in particular became apparent during these discussions--that most of what I had learnt as a professional test constructor was irrelevant to the assessment issues that concerned teachers in classrooms; these were not the sort of descriptions that helped children learn better, or helped teachers teach better. When I wrote Assessment in the primary school in 1972 the then Director of Primary Education wrote a foreward in which the final paragraph stated "some people would question his suggested limitation on testing. Whatever one's views, teachers will find the report thought provoking and valuable". In other words, I disagree with him, but respect his different viewpoint. As Directors became more managers and less educators in the 1980s, this sort of clarity and openness, this up front honesty, was to become increasingly rare.

Politics

In 1974 a thirteen year old schoolgirl was suspended from her high school and refused to accept the suspension on the grounds that it was unfair. She returned to the school and was subsequently removed forcibly by police. The incident resulted in a Royal Commission, and the Royal Commissioner found that the girl and her parents were a "trinity of trouble makers". (Royal Commission, 1974). It was never suggested that the setting up of the Commission had anything to do with the fact that the girl's father was an endorsed labour candidate and a personal friend of the Minister of Education, and that the Principal of the school was the brother of the shadow Minister of Education. Nor was it ever suggested that the united front of the Education Department officers and secondary principals had anything to do with the highly conflictual situation then existing between the Minister and the high school principals.
I thought that most of the overt conflict at the school was due to communication problems between the girl and certain members of staff, and certainly not due to the severity of the crime, which was trivial. In such cases it seemed to me to be the job of the professional staff, not the student, to resolve the conflict. So I gave evidence on behalf of the student. I was the only member of the Department to do so. What I learnt from this episode was that the structural violence embedded in institutions is evidenced not by the severity of the punishment when rules are breached, but by the severity of the punishment when the sanction, whatever it is, is not accepted. I could see that accepting any sanction reinstates the power structure; in fact, breaking the rule enables such re-establishment to become visible, enhancing the power relations. But not accepting the sanction is extraordinarily threatening because it destabilises the power structure, challenging its very existence. It also became clear to me that none of the Departmental officers, or the Royal Commissioner, could see this.

Social development research

As the development of social skills was a major objective in the stated curriculum of almost all school subjects, I initiated a major project on social development. It lasted four years, attracted two major grants, and at one stage involved six full time and six part time researchers (The Social Development Group, 1979). As a starter to this I took six months long service leave and a round the world trip. I spent some time visiting people and relevant projects in the United States, Canada, and England. I talked to teachers at primary, secondary, and tertiary levels about the social development of their students, and how they were able to facilitate that development. They all described the social development of their students during a year, whether six or twenty six years old, in the same terms; tentative, inarticulate, immature to confident, articulate, sensitive. It was obvious that what they were talking about had little to do with developmental skills.
My experience in unstructured groups suggested to me that it had everything to do with developing groups, with the way that power, affect and trust relations change if they are allowed to. I had already spent six months reading the literature on social skill development. It was often interesting, but utterly uninformative in regard to classroom practice. And we had asked teachers to describe mature social skills; they responded with good descriptions of conforming behaviour. I could see that shifting the focus to the social group, to the context of social action, produced an array of possible teacher interventions, informed by group development theory. We started with a project about developing social skills. We ended with a project on developing the classroom group; for only in a developed group would the demonstration of mature social skills be appropriate.

Rebelliousness

One incident that occurred on this journey deserves a mention, as it relates to the question of what constitutes experience. In London I went into a coma for two weeks, during which time I convulsed and hallucinated and was fed by a drip and lost 12 kilograms in weight. I was diagnosed as having viral encephalitis.
My hallucinations had a clear story line. They all involved adventures with semi humanoid monsters who were trying to kill me. The final scene had me lying on an operating table with ten humanoid gun barrels at my head. The odds were stacked against me, and death was immanent. I had time only for one statement. "You will only kill me," I said, "to prove that I cannot control you. Yet if you kill me for that, then I have completely determined your actions." They left, I came out of coma, and requested some food. With some trauma, I had learnt that the rebel is as tied to the system as the conformist. If I wanted to change the system, I would have to take a different stance; one of autonomous action, rather than rebellious reaction. I would need to tap the ambivalence of those in power, not their antagonism.
Back in Adelaide, the social development project got under way. I read the literature on (small) group development theory, and realised that most of the models could be reframed in terms of distributions of power and affect relations; and because of my physics background, I conceptualised these in terms of fields; properties of the space between rather than of the agents mediated by the fields. My personal ontology was developing, and ten years later more complex notions of power relations (eg Foucault) would find nourishment in my conceptual space.

Politics again

Part of the condition of the research grant was that separate reports be written for the major participants in the study; researchers, administrators and curriculum writers, teachers, students. I wrote the booklet for students. It was entitled How to make your classroom a better place to live in (The Social Development Group, 1980). It described the four stages of development of the classroom group, how students might experience these stages, and how they might respond to that experience. Four different responses to each situation were constructed, and were overtly categorised as positive and negative; the negative responses, with which students would identify and be familiar, were likely to be not constructive in moving the group onward; the other two responses, one involving individual action and one group action, were ones which might help the group develop. The booklet was designed for classroom discussion.
Before the book was distributed a question was asked in the South Australian parliament about the book. Was it not encouraging students to respond negatively? The Director General responded by ordering that the book be shredded. Flattered if furious with this treatment, I pointed out the conditions of the grant, and requested specific information about exactly what was objectionable in the book, so that it could be amended and reprinted. After some months the answer came back; two words, "fascist" and "fairy," had to be removed; the positive responses must come first; and there must be an overt statement that the positive responses were "better". In addition, only teachers involved in developing their class groups could distribute this book to their students.
I interpreted this to mean that there was nothing specifically at fault with the book. It was the ideology of the book, with its implicit aim of empowering students, that had caused the over-reaction. Yet the rhetoric about schools applauded the empowerment (autonomy) of students. Unwilling to confront the contradiction, the Department had to settle for limitation rather than complete suppression. For of course developing the classroom group meant that the power relations between teachers and students changed. If this happened in enough classrooms not only classroom structures, but school structures, would have to change. The implications of the research were radical rather than progressive.
Inservice training was essential if the findings of the research were to be propagated, if practice were to follow theory. So four researchers, now highly skilled in working with teachers, were retained for a year to produce inservice materials and work in schools with teachers. A year later, despite protestations, all had been returned to classrooms. An invaluable human resource for the dissemination of ways of developing the classroom group was annihilated. Fifteen years later teachers still struggle with rebellious classrooms and search for answers in individual psychology, curriculum statements still highlight the development of social skills rather than the social context for mature social behaviour, and teachers still say "groups don't work" because they don't understand group development theory. In 1980, I was beginning to learn what I knew by 1990; that nothing really changes unless the power structure changes, and hierarchical power structures are immensely stable and resistant to change (Wilson, 1991).

Consciousness

One further event in 1979 is pertinent to this story. At Findhorn, an intentional community in Scotland, I experienced some shifts in consciousness (without drugs or intention, with detachment and interest), that seemed very similar to those experiences described by mystics, and generally described under the rubric of the perennial philosophy. (Bucke, 1901; Huxley, 1946; Wilbur, 1977,1982,1991; Wilson, 1992). These experiences, and subsequent ones, make it impossible for me to take Freud's easy way out (Freud, 1963), and discount such events because I have not experienced them. Such experiences have been immensely significant in the history of the past three thousand years, for they have provided the bases for the world's great religions. The mythologies and structures that are the social manifestations of these initiating mystical events have taken very different cultural forms, but all have retained, within their core practices, considerable congruency with their source as a particular state of consciousness. This is important because it points to one exit from the maze of confusion created by the acceptance of the relativity and cultural determination of all human values (Wilbur, 1995).

Peace and violence

By 1982, Ronald Reagan's unique combination of monstrous stupidity and apocalyptic hardware had stirred the coals of fear still glimmering under the weight of twenty years of psychic numbing and denial, of human refusal to seriously consider the high probability of a nuclear holocaust that could destroy all life on the planet. Everywhere the peace movement flourished. Learned journals of all sorts from medicine to engineering, from physics to art, began to feature articles about nuclear war and its effects. Most unlikely bedfellows, Marxists and churchmen, pacifists and retired admirals, feminists and builders labourers, would all shout out their protests.
Where were the children in all this? I decided to find out. There was some American data from surveys. I decided to tap a richer source; children's fantasies of the future. The data was devastating (Wilson 1985). For many it was a post-nuclear war world, barren landscapes and destruction everywhere. For nearly all it was dehumanised, people existing either as passive recipients of technology, at the best comfortably mindless in a plastic world, at the worst slaves of the machines or robots that grind mercilessly along their efficient and pre-programmed paths. An unstoppable high-tech, high-destruct world.
Like many who start with a naive view of peace as the absence of war, my reading and reflection soon led to more sophisticated understandings; towards peace as the absence of fear at a psychological level, and as incompatible with injustice and repression at the social level. And I began to understand how injustice was often not so much a matter of human intention, as a product of historical man-made structures, continually reproduced through the human facility of role-taking, and the moralities and ideologies that are able to transform efficient violations into noble virtues. At fifty I was beginning to articulate a world-view.
During the international year of peace, schools were all expected to get involved. Believing that in dealing with violence we should begin in our own back yards, I prepared a kit for schools entitled Programs to reduce violence in schools (1986). It included ideas for involving students, teachers and parents, for collecting information, and for taking action at a school level. It also included a paper on understanding violence, in which I tried to make overt the links between violence, school structures, social control, and justice. Complete with words of encouragement from the Director General of Education, the kit went off to one hundred high schools in South Australia. One school got the project off the ground and collected data from students and staff. Then they stopped. During the year, many schools planted trees for peace. I was developing a feel for the absurd.

Writing again

Two years before, buttressed by a report by the head of another educational research organisation, the Department disbanded ours. I was sent out to graze in the country at Murray Bridge for two years as an Assistant Director Curriculum, where I managed to get two of the social development advisers back into business, before I retired gracefully. There was nothing further I could do within the system. I was ready to write, and had two young daughters at home that I wanted to spend more time with. I was learning the difference between jousting with windmills and hitting my head against a brick wall; one is a noble quest, the other just plain masochism.
The writing and the daughters got together into a book called With the best of intentions (Wilson, 1991). The book deals with the structural violence embedded in the hallowed institutions of family and school. I had decided to self-publish the book before I began, and as a result was able to give clear reign to my personal voice(s) and style. The book is egalitarian in that it treats children as fully human persons; it is iconoclastic in that it challenges many of the sacred myths and structures of child-rearing; it is written with passion and humour. It is informed by empirical data and overt in its philosophical world-view. The arguments are dense, but the presentation is, I hope, sufficiently varied and light to make its message accessible. With modifications that are essential to the context, I hoped to use a similar approach in this thesis.

The current study

A large number of significant learnings have emerged for me from the current study. I want to refer to the two that I have found the most significant. The first relates to my extensive reading of Michael Foucault, the second to my grapplings with ontology.
There were two major insights from Foucault; the first was his analysis of how culture produces and expresses rather than reduces and represses; that if the person is one dimensional, this is not because society has taken away the other dimensions, but that society, through its relations with the person, has produced a one dimensional person. The second insight was the centrality given to the examination, in all its forms, to the construction of the individual in the modern world. It was from this springboard that I could leap to observe the standard as the bullet in the examination gun.
An equally important learning from Foucault relates not to insight, but to style; not to his immense data base and sometimes lugubrious argumentation, but to the soaring rhetorical passion that marks his insightful conclusions; his demonstration that "scientific" writing does not need to be dull and portentous, but can legitimately use the full creative resources of the language, helped me to feel much more comfortable in using my own voice for this work.
My own philosophical gropings into what is knowable, what is describable, led to some surprising conclusions. Such delving was necessary, because any assessment is a description. In practice it is a description of a performance of some kind in context, even if in theory it purports to be a description of some attribute or quality of a person; this I had known for a long time. To move from here to the insight that all knowledge is a description of events involving a relationship between at least two elements, and thus to appreciate the slide made when the description is pinned to one particular element, represented a major reframing of much of my earlier thinking.

Summing up

There are at least five levels in all this: The events that I was a part of; the manifest behaviour that constituted my part of those events; my particular recall of that experience; the meanings I verbally constructed from that recalled experience; and the meanings and reactions that you, the reader, construct from all that.
Truth is not an issue here. Awareness and truthfulness are. I can only assert my truthful intentions. Regardless, the reader will make his or her own judgment about the value of the position from which they interpret me as coming.

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